small things

My days are pretty much the same...they flow together in one long stream. Weekends and holidays don't really change the pattern--there might just be more people around while I continue to do the same things. I love having a flexible routine. (Very flexible right now, since we're adjusting to life with a new baby). And it's so easy to get caught up in my little world and forget that there is more going on than just what I'm experiencing.

But then when I start to think about it, I get so overwhelmed. I feel small and inadequate. It's easier to live in my small bubble, not paying attention to what is going on down the street, across Austin, or even across the ocean. I don't want to think about all the things that are wrong with this world, because then I am responsible to be part of the solution. But I am one woman. And I know my calling right now is to care for my husband and these two children, so that doesn't leave a whole lot of time for other more "important" things.

Or does it? God continues to bring me back to one solution. Prayer. I may be in a house cleaning, playing or outside running errands, going to the park or doing other trivial "mom" things but prayer transcends all of that. The question is really, do I believe that my prayers can effect change? And I don't. I want to believe. I know I should believe. And I can give the correct answer, but to pray with faith...faith that my prayers will change the lives of orphans in Africa, China and around the world is such a big thing. Or even on a smaller scale to pray for the people I interact with on a daily or a weekly basis...that seems beyond me.

See, I expect big things to make the difference. Prayer seems so inconsequential. And by saying this, I know I am showing a complete lack of knowledge of who my God is. I've read stories and heard stories, both biblical and extra-biblical that declare the wondrous things this God has done...but I still struggle to believe. And somehow I get the sense that until I get prayer, until I learn and trust and pray with faith, I will be here doing these small things because I have to learn that these small things can glorify God just as much as feeding five thousand with a few loaves and fish.